The Dauntless faction take turns trying to conquer their fears, so they are very aware of what those fears are, when most people like to put them out of their heads. I’m more of a ignore the problem sort of girl, but I understand the concept. Face your fears and they will not have such a hold on you.
What would be in my fear landscape?
1. If anything were to happen to my husband or sons. My youngest son had seizures as a baby, so I am somewhat familiar with the kind of helplessness that something like this would entail, but I do think about it often and it scares me to death. My biggest fear is sexual abuse of my children. I am very vigilent about keeping my children close and they do not spend time away from home. My oldest is six now and I know it’s coming that he will want to spend the night at his friend’s houses and I just cannot deal with it. It truly terrifies me.
2. Bugs/Spiders. I am deathly afraid of cockroaches and spiders. Down here in the south, cockroaches can fly. They tend to live in and around trees, though, so I’m so glad our home doesn’t have any big trees nearby. Spiders are not as bad for me, but I still hate them. I will immediately panic if I see one, no matter how small it is.
3. Speaking in Public. This is ironic because my last job involved going into schools and civic groups and educating the public about recycling/litter/composting. I would do presentations that lasted a half hour at least. It didn’t matter that it was mostly children and who’s afraid of children? I did that job for four years and I would still periodically break out in a sweat right before I had to do the presentation. If I knew I had a presentation coming up, I would dread it for days.
4. Having to defend myself/my children. My husband is a big, burly guy, so whenever he’s around, I’m not worried about this, but, especially since we moved to such a big city, I make myself constantly aware of what is going on around me because the thought of having to hurt someone else leaves me shaking and clammy, but I will do anything in my power to make sure we are okay.
5. Meeting new people. I am a very introverted person. I can fake it for short periods of time, but mostly, I don’t like talking to new people, especially in a group setting. Which sucks, because, again, we just moved a state away from the place I grew up and it’s hard making new friends as an adult. The thought of putting myself out there causes me to feel nauseated.
6. Getting sick. Cancer in particular is very scary for me, especially since I have a history of it on both sides of my family. Both my mother’s sister and my father’s sister died of pancreatic cancer. My paternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother both had cancer. This is particularly scary because I honestly feel helpless not knowing how I could avoid it.
Okay, now that that’s out there…I need a nap and the emotional comfort that only “Sixteen Candles” and “Pretty in Pink” can provide. I’ll be in a fort in my living room, surrounded by stuffed animals and snuggling with my three year old if anyone should need me. Also, check out what scares the heck out of Christina, too, at Allodoxophobia.